Thoughts for the Genius’s Offseason
Dear Bill,
Judging from your attire, you must have not received my last letter that I sent you. Or, perhaps, because it came from being addressed in Pittsburgh that the postal service simply discarded it.
I’ll keep this short primarily because any readers that come past this blog probably are getting the impression that it should be named Have A Good Football since I’ve been writing about it so much.
I simply want to give you a two suggestions for the offseason since your loss yesterday against the Indianapolis Colts. I must say that I don’t think I could have been more satisfied with the way you lost. I owe Tony Dungy a beer.
First, burn that hoodie. The fact that you wore it on a nice warm day in San Diego and in a dome moved you beyond the pale of fashion transgressors to a whole new level of looking like an ass. Seriously, after the Divisional game I half expected to see AP reports of you leaving for work from a shelter in downtown Boston.
Second, consider doing drugs. I’m not talking about playing around with pot… I’m talking about doing either an opiate or maybe even Ecstasy before games. Definitely fifteen minutes before press conferences. It would be fun to have “Behavioral Roulette with Bill Belichick” during press conferences. Hell, we even might see a Jim Mora kind of meltdown. God would I love that. And, admit it, you’d even enjoy it.
One final observation before I let you go… you really are a huge prick. I saw the way you shook hands with HeeHaw* after the game. He was either coated with fertilizer remnants or you were afraid you were going to get some sort of mutative substance on yourself**. Your postgame interview with Solomon Wilcotts just screamed “F-you” to Sol and anyone that was watching… and was a testament to why my second suggestion should be strictly followed.
Chin up,
Woy
P.S. Is there anything you can do for Tom Brady to get him a smaller helmet? Every time I see him I expect someone to hit him hard on the top of the head so he can kick a ball.
* Peyton Manning (indirectly courtesy of my boy House)
** Given the Manning tradition of inbreeding, it wouldn’t surprise me if that was a legitimate fear.
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