Have A Good Sandwich

Every once in a while, I become privy to a world I had no idea existed.

While working offsite in Shadyside at Coffee Tree Roasters at the end of last week, my co-worker came back from getting a cup of tea and said as she entered our enclosed workspace, “Bill Peduto is out front.”

I said, “Oh yeah? What’s he doing? Is he doing some campaigning?”

My CW responds, “No, he’s sitting down having a meeting. Talking to some cougar.”

Now my CW had used this term before but I don’t think I had, until that point, really realized that it had some meaning. So I asked said CW (even though I thought I knew) what it meant. Turns out that even though my CW had been using it half-jokingly in this case, I was correct.

For those tragically un-enlightened as myself, a cougar (as defined in one of best entries in Urban Dictionary) is:

Any older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a usually much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie, or milf. Cougars are gaining in popularity (particular the true hotties), as young men not only a fucking incredible sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together.

There’s also the “less favorable” and most voted up definition:

An older woman trying way too hard to look young. Usually heavy makeup and way too tan, sometimes orange. Generally has leathery, smoking damaged skin, short skirt, and may have obvious breast implants.

So after confessing my unawareness of this term, my CW says “you’re kidding, right?” They then proceed to tell me about the urbancougar website complete with the “Cougar of the Month.” There, the modern-day cougar is described as a woman who “avoids the entanglements of a ‘relationship,’ in favor of the freedom of the hunt.”

Wow.

Moving over to cougarplanet.com (yes, an entire planet of this), I discovered that there is a whole ecosystem of cougars and cougar hunters. Did you know that Helen of Troy was a Great Cougar in History?*

Holy. Shit.

Now, believe you me, I respect an older woman’s desire to prey on enjoy the company of a younger male, as well as the desire of a young guy to bag court a cougar. The whole buildup around this phenomenon seems a bit much. I myself was once hunted by a cougar shortly after leaving college, and she even had me somewhat interested right up until she (in a drunken state) told me that her husband was coming to pick her up and that I’ll know him because he’ll be the state trooper waiting in his squad car outside the bar.

You then saw the WoyDeer get the hell out of there. Mutual of Omaha had nothing on that footage.

*Other famous cougars in history include Lana from Three’s Company, Ellen Burroughs from Class, Vera Prescott from The Secret of My Success, and of course Stifler’s Mom.

Posted on February 4th, 2007 under Society • Tags: Society. •  Print This Post •  Email This Post • RSS 2.0 feed • Leave a response, or trackback