Ever wonder when you can make water in the movie theater? RunPee tells you how.
(Thank you IWatchStuff)
Mar 07
Brother Anthony (of no blog) brought to my attention a movie that has generally been thought of to be a pretty bad movie but has experienced a cult renaissance over the time since it’s release: Joe Vs. The Volcano. While probably not making my top ten, it’s definitely up there as one of my favorite movies. And since the last four out of five posts have been about movies, why not cover my favorite moments from it?
Joe freaks on Mr. Waturi: After being reprimanded by Mr. Waturi for his long lunch, Joe decides to quit. After Waturi says he’ll “be easy to replace”, Joe pauses and says what runs through (I’m sure) many a head when a nasty occupational remark is thrown their way: “I should say something”. He does, culminating with this gem -
Joe: You look terrible, Mr. Waturi. You look like a bag of shit stuffed in a cheap suit. Not that anyone could look good under these zombie lights. I, I, I, I can feel them sucking the juice out of my eyeball. Suck, suck, suck, SUCK… [makes a sucking noise] For 300 bucks a week, that’s the news. For 300 bucks a week, I’ve lived in this sink, this used rubber.
Waturi: Watch it, mister! There’s a woman here!
Joe: Don’t you think I know that, Frank? Don’t you think I’m aware there’s a woman here? I can taste her like sugar on my tongue. I can smell her. When I’m twenty feet away, I can hear the fabric of her dress when she moves in her chair. Not that I’ve done anything about it. I’ve gone all day, every day, not doing, not saying, not taking the chance for three hundred bucks a week, and Frank the coffee stinks it’s like arsenic, the lights give me a headache. If the lights don’t give you a headache you must be dead, so let’s arrange the funeral!
Mar 06
There are only two movies that I’ve ever walked out of a movie theater over.
- Last of the Mohicans: This was primarily because it was an extremely late showing (midnight) and I was meeting some old friends who never showed up. The prospect of watching Daniel Day Lewis and Madelene Stowe make 18th Century eyes at each other while falling asleep was not particularly appealing.
- Mac and Me: Quite possibly the worst movie ever made. I can’t believe Spielberg didn’t sue the pants off this monstrosity. And then there was the notorious excessive product placement. My friends and I kind of looked at each other and said “this blows” about 30 minutes in. Fortunately, the Red Baron arcade was just a few doors down where we played Gauntlet and kicked it old school.
Mar 06
10. Leonard Smalls (Randall ‘Tex’ Cobb) / Raising Arizona: The music alone that is played when he is on-screen merits his appearance on this list.
9 . Biff Tannen (Thomas F. Wilson) / Back to the Future: However hapless he may have seemed, he certainly was pretty cruel to George McFly.
8. Brewmeister Smith (Max Von Sidow) / Strange Brew: Ming The Merciless brews beer? Score!
7. Ed Rooney (Jeffrey Jones) / Ferris Bueller’s Day Off: Him trying to get in (and getting crane kicked by Jennifer Grey) still makes me laugh.
6. Skeletor (Frank Langella) / Masters of the Universe: An unbeatable combination of bad makeup and over-the-top theatrics.
5. Principal Richard “Dick” Vernon (Paul Gleason) / The Breakfast Club: “What was that ruckus?”
4. Buddy Revell (Richard Tyson) / Three O’Clock High: “You and me, we’re gonna have a fight. Today. After school. Three o’clock. In the parking lot. You try and run, I’m gonna track you down. You go to a teacher, it’s only gonna get worse. You sneak home, I’m gonna be under your bed.”
3. Walter Peck (William Atherton) / Ghostbusters: Honestly, did you ever want to punch a guy out more in your entire life?
2. Johnny Lawrence (William Zabka) / The Karate Kid: Bill Zabka deserves a Hall-of-Fame 80s award for not only his turn in The Karate Kid but also Back To School and Just One Of The Guys. He made being an ass into an art form.
1. Chet (Bill Paxton) / Weird Science: His laugh, his military haircut, and his extortion of Wyatt all make for the big brother you never want. Best line, in referring to his grandparents in stasis: “Do you have any idea… how /disrespectful/ this is?”
(This post was nearly finished for last night, but didn’t quite make it. Two posts today!)
May 29
First Super Mario Bros.
Then Wing Commander.
Then Doom.
And now, it was just announced that EA sold the motion picture rights to The Sims. So, a game about directing fictional people in a fictional universe is being made into a movie. Redundancy at its finest.
Am I the only one that thinks this is going to be horrific?
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